a small measure of success

The philosophotarian kept to her budget this month. One down, forever to go...!

I have been desperately desiring a new tube of lipstick. The intensity of this desire is a little embarrassing, really. I have visited Sephora.com countless times, filling my online shopping basket and then closing the window just before purchasing. 

This month, I have been throwing away all catalogs as I receive them, not even allowing myself to look. I have unsubscribed to every email shopping alert I've received. I've planned out all my cash, stuck to my budget, turned down fun, cancelled plans for which I had no funds; I've seriously downgraded my coffee, made pantry stew (rather tasty), and cashed in gift cards. 

And I have been dying for a new lipstick. Ideally, it would be something swanky in lovely packaging--a Tom Ford or a Dolce and Gabbana piece of art. I broke down yesterday. I took my "beauty/grooming" envelope and headed to the CVS, where I spent a little bit of the money I had already set aside for the haircut I'll need at the end of the month. After much looking and comparing, I found one. A drugstore lipstick. I haven't had one of those in ages. But this seems to be exactly what I wanted: not too shiny; no pearl or metallic element; not matte, either; just a bit more than the natural color of my lips and it doesn't smell too bad. And it was under ten dollars. 

I shouldn't get quite so much pleasure out of something so frivolous. I know this. It does make me feel more confident and hopeful about this budget as I prepare for month 2.

halfway through the month

And I have used my credit card on eight out of fifteen days. Wow! So much for "no credit card" month!

the dubious pleasures of self-knowledge

One of the memoirs I read just after Christmas (the first book I bought for my kindle) was Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. I liked it a lot and check up on her blog every now and again. On Wednesdays her blog posts offer tips or a quiz.

There is one quiz I keep taking, hoping for a different result. The result is always the same. The quiz is "do you make other people unhappy?" and my result is always "yes."

I've given Sara Maitland's memoir about silence a lot of credit for my increased solitude this year. That book did indeed help me to acknowledge my own need for solitude, silence, and reflection. However, I should credit Rubin's quiz for this solitude as well.

It isn't that I don't enjoy being around people. I do. And things are much more comfortable when I spend time with people one at a time, or in very small groups--I come much closer to earning a negative answer (a positive result) when I spend time with people in that way. This quiz has given me a way to interpret something I had sensed but had a difficult time understanding or discussing, and this increased awareness makes me more reluctant to spend time with others. I may be able to see that I have a negative effect on group dynamics but I don't know what to do about it. If I can't provide the antidote to my own poison (a somewhat harsh metaphor, but work with me), then it seems that the kindest action is to withhold the poison in the first place.

I think this realization still smarts a little. I know in my head that any one person cannot be everything or have every good attribute. Eventually I might be able to accept the necessity of this solitude and perhaps even to enjoy it.

Okay May, I have a Project for you

May will be (as much as can be possible) the month of paying only with cash for everything.

Exceptions to be paid by check: rent; electric bill.

Exception to be paid by credit card: phone bill.

Everything else will be paid for in cash. Not with a debit card even. Only cash.

monthly projects are hard

The Month of Xtreme Thr!ft was great. I ended the month feeling happy and well balanced and in control of my wallet. I learned more about my spending habits and spending style and, even if I did spend a lot in March, I am very confident in nearly all of my purchases. yay.

The Month of No Complaining was horrible. I did learn a lot. I learned that I complain a lot. I learned I complain most to those I love the most. So not cool.

In exchange for not complaining, I offered myself treats--lots of cookies! Very bad idea.

For the past three weeks or so, I've felt very off balance. After I turned in the first draft of dissertation chapter two (March 16, not that I noticed) I read several memoirs about silence and the search for silence. One of these books (A Book of Silence by Sara Maitland) was wonderful. I look forward to reading it again and I am worried to read it again--what if it doesn't live up to the feeling I currently have for it? I digress. Reading Maitland's book, I had a two-pronged "aha" moment--first, I require a lot of alone time and second, I don't like to multitask when it comes to sound.

I enjoy my time with others much more when I have had enough quality solitary time. I knew already that I am and can be quite satisfied with my own company. I hadn't quite realized that I need solitary time of a certain kind (or of certain kinds) in order to relax and behave around others. Wasting/wasted time is not quality alone time. Sitting on the couch wondering what to do next, wandering from kitchen to office putting off chores, lying in bed when I am no longer sleepy are not restorative for me. Time spent reading fashion magazines or trashy novels is not restorative. Watching movies can be mildly restorative or neutral.

Following a routine with my chores and keeping up on them is restorative. I vacuum on the weekends. I do dishes morning and evening. I do laundry once every week. I sweep every other day. When I am not overwhelmed by mess, maintaining my space is relaxing.

Time spent reading lovely books is restorative. Time spent walking along the lake is restorative. Time spent exercycling--as long as I make it at least 20 minutes--is restorative. Time spent in the Art Institute and reading certain blogs is restorative.

I seem to require an aesthetically positive and/or productive element in order to feel whole, balanced, and prepared to engage with others.

I don't like music when I take care of housework or when I read or when I write. I find it very distracting. I would rather do nothing else if I am listening to music. When I perform chores, I would rather focus upon them as chores.

Learning this was and continues to be very helpful.

Perhaps the fact of new or heightened awareness about my needs has left me a little sensitive, and perhaps this contributes to my sense of imbalance. Certainly learning how frequently I complain, feel sorry for myself, and make excuses for myself has been a disappointment.

I'm sure things will right themselves soon. But I am sensitive and then I am critical and snappish and then I am aware of my criticism and snappishness and become even more sensitive and even more disappointed. I need to sit down before I tumble into despair.

Check out my new idea!

It's so new and shiny and pretty and new, you'll be so impressed. Ready? Delayed Gratification. Yessss!

What does this lovely new (did I mention how new this idea is?) idea mean? Ah, sweet readers, it means that one delays the acquisition of some new thing until one has (a) decided it is really necessary/perfect/awesome/the right new thing, (b) determined that she can afford it, and (c) put into a ranked list of other necessary, perfect, awesome, right new things to see which is the one (one! not two!) that should be gotten now--assuming any can be gotten.

whew!

It turns out that a good deal of the pleasure of these nparnts (necessary perfect awesome right new things) comes before they have been acquired. In order (I think. Revision is for other people):

1. identification of a need
I need an airtight canister for my coffee beans! and new underwear! and a bright yellow, otherwise plain, giant yellow (must be yellow!) coffee mug

2. plotting the importance of the need
It is more important to have a canister than a mug. I have mugs. I do not have a canister. Both the mug and the canister are more important than underwear. Except for when I'm exercising, at which time, underwear may be the Most Important Thing Ever.

3. determining where to acquire the thing that will meet the need
Brick and mortar store? Amazon? Etsy? eBay? Small online retailer? Thrift store?
What will be the environmental impact of meeting this need? Who will be helped or hurt if/when I meet this need? How can I maximize the benefits of meeting this need and minimize the harms?

4. replot importance of need; add more needs
small insulated reusable handmade lunch sack! hair goo! homemade hair conditioner! shirts for spring! big yellow mug! glasses!

(repeat all steps until purchasing is possible)

I still haven't gotten to the point where I am allowed to purchase any of these things (hello, March!). I don't want to spend in one day (March 1) the equivalent of a whole month's worth of spending: part of the goal of the Month of Xtreme Thr!ft is to reduce my impulse purchases (with a larger goal of reevaluating what I consider necessary) and to trim my overall budget.

I still haven't decided how I will rank all of the things on this month's list of "things I think I need to buy or have." I have decided that in April or May, I'll do a thrift project wherein I don't buy any things. I'll buy food and toothpaste; I'll buy tickets to plays if there are any I really want to see. But no things.

Xtreme Thr!ft

This project is going better than anticipated. I see that I could cut back even further, particularly in my food budget.

I've filled and emptied my Sephora shopping cart three times. I can't wait for March 1.

I've tried on 2 rounds of glasses and will order (for free!) more try-on frames soon.

I'll get an airtight coffee canister and probably some new scanties. Maybe a haircut.

I'll probably let myself go to Metropolis for coffee on the weekends so I can get out of the house while I write. I haven't written anything yet this month.

Cutting back has been easier than I thought. I'll probably keep recording my daily expenditures. Days when I spend no money are rarer than I had thought they would have been, but they make me happier than I could have imagined.

The Month of Extreme Thrift

That is the name of this month's main project. Extreme thrift is not nearly as cheap as I thought! Okay, it is more accurate to say that my budget is a leaky sieve and stopping up half the holes makes it easier to see just how much cash I leak all the time.

I've been making my coffee at home and eating oatmeal for breakfast. I've been bringing sandwiches to work for lunch and eating apples and oranges for snacks. I've not bought a single e-book for my kindle, nor even looked at eBay for skirts or shirts for spring.

Still, I've already spent $90 on groceries this month. I paid the cobbler the $35 balance on the boots and shoes I had repaired. I bought (inexpensive) dinner out on the night of the Literacy Center Benefit Gala. I'll buy an Amtrak ticket ($22) for Sunday and a gift ($?) for my mother in honor of her birthday. I'm not sure I'll have time this month, but if I do, I'll go see As You Like It for $20.

Wow! Already I can see that this was a necessary project. I think I'll do a Month of Extreme Thrift every three months in an effort to better control my budget and my spending. Learning to defer gratification will be useful when I go into Exile.

It's a new year, folks!

And the philosophotarian, who seems to have forgotten how to budget, will relearn! Hooray!

January budgetary challenge:

$20/week (or less) on groceries. Not even $20.01.

It is likely that I stay within that most of the time, so this will be a good way to ease my way into a year of budgetary challenges. (snacks and beverages out are far worse for my pocketbook than trips to the grocery store.)

Once the intercampus shuttle is up and running again, I'll hit up Trader Joe's more frequently for frozen fruit, oils and other pantry staples.
Meat will only be organic for now, so there will be less meat.
Eggs will also be only organic/cage free etc. for now, so I'll have to spend my eggs more carefully.
To get the most bang for my vegetable buck, I'll stop being so lazy: instead of buying so much of my produce at the big (expensive, not very good) grocery store two blocks away, I'll head to the smaller (cheaper, better) grocery stores about a half-mile away.

All of this, naturally, is fuel for dissertating and preparation for Exile. Obviously.