petty. petty, petty, petty.

want to say:

but if you had0000000 - or 000 or 000 or 0000 - then there wouldn't be 000 , now. there wouldn't be this, there wouldn't be these moments and, perhaps to you they are already indicative of something second best, of something gone wrong, of something failed (someone had blundered) but 000 , for 000, they are beautiful and precious and i, i have not lost a 0000best, a perhaps mistaken00000 , and so, no, i am not 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000 , i will confess that the thought of you spending time with )))))))) wishing, wishing0000000000 made that choice, or that one or that one, so that you wouldn't have had to spend the time with me at all, would be with that ))))))))))))))))))))))) could have made0000000, 0000000 have made, is not a pleasant one for me, and it stings a bit, and i feel prickly; then i wonder, perhaps 000 0000000 was right, and i am prickly and this is why i "have no friends": i won't let others grow close to me, and so how 0000000 anyone's first best anyway? i will be00000000000 . i will grow more ...............and ))))))))))) and you can enjoy this, your 000000000or (00000000000000 ) until you meet a new0000000 and then i will )))))))))) and you will be so happy with that 00000000000 you won't regret any of the twisting and climbing (sometimes lonely) that brought)))))))))))))))))