Dear Jenny Boully,
I love you. That is not true.
love, k
Dear Jenny Boully,
I love your words. No, this is not quite it.
love, k
Dear Jenny Boully,
I love the way you compose with words. I love what you compose with words. I read you and I do indeed fall in love ... only not with you. No, not with you. I fall in love with a cloudy November sky, a precise shade of blue, a pair of brown eyes. You confirm all my suspicions. Make me very uncomfortable. And I did laugh out loud last night, on the sofa, startling Cat.
When will you write again?
Longingly yours,
k
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
An invention is a new composition, configuration, device, or process
"Do all that you know, and try all that you don’t:
Not a chance must be wasted to-day!"
"acceleration is the change in velocity over time"
"I could leave my life. I could change completely. Is it time?"
"It would be wrong. It would be wrong because the promise told would never be the promise given"
"Momentum is a conserved quantity, meaning that the total momentum of any closed system (one not affected by external forces) cannot change. This law is also true in special relativity."
"thou shalt hear, "All here in one bed lay."
"So what should I say?
When?
When I love someone.
You should say it"
"Theoretically, there will be no death, only an exchange of energy in what is likely to be another dimension"
"Our eye-beams twisted, and did thread
Our eyes upon one double string. "
"holds that time is neither an event nor a thing, and thus is not itself measurable nor can it be travelled."
"Think you there was, or might be, such a man
As this I dream'd of?"
"This is because entropy represents the "potential for disorder" in a system"
"If I had had faith, I would have married Regine"
"The former, Chronos, refers to numeric, or chronological, time. The latter, Kairos, literally "the right or opportune moment," relates specifically to metaphysical or Divine time."
"When you said we would read this book together, I assumed you meant it"
"Eternity was in our lips and eyes, Bliss in our brows' bent; none our parts so poor But was a race of heaven"
"an impulse is defined as the integral of a force with respect to time."
"In winter or summer, ’twas always the same—
You could never meet either alone."
"Numerous studies have shown that the most vivid autobiographical memories tend to be of emotional events*, which are likely to be recalled more often and with more clarity and detail than neutral events. "
*may or may not correspond to any empirical data
Not a chance must be wasted to-day!"
"acceleration is the change in velocity over time"
"I could leave my life. I could change completely. Is it time?"
"It would be wrong. It would be wrong because the promise told would never be the promise given"
"Momentum is a conserved quantity, meaning that the total momentum of any closed system (one not affected by external forces) cannot change. This law is also true in special relativity."
"thou shalt hear, "All here in one bed lay."
"So what should I say?
When?
When I love someone.
You should say it"
"Theoretically, there will be no death, only an exchange of energy in what is likely to be another dimension"
"Our eye-beams twisted, and did thread
Our eyes upon one double string. "
"holds that time is neither an event nor a thing, and thus is not itself measurable nor can it be travelled."
"Think you there was, or might be, such a man
As this I dream'd of?"
"This is because entropy represents the "potential for disorder" in a system"
"If I had had faith, I would have married Regine"
"The former, Chronos, refers to numeric, or chronological, time. The latter, Kairos, literally "the right or opportune moment," relates specifically to metaphysical or Divine time."
"When you said we would read this book together, I assumed you meant it"
"Eternity was in our lips and eyes, Bliss in our brows' bent; none our parts so poor But was a race of heaven"
"an impulse is defined as the integral of a force with respect to time."
"In winter or summer, ’twas always the same—
You could never meet either alone."
"Numerous studies have shown that the most vivid autobiographical memories tend to be of emotional events*, which are likely to be recalled more often and with more clarity and detail than neutral events. "
*may or may not correspond to any empirical data
Monday, October 26, 2009
patterns
It's only just occurred to me that I've been both getting more dissertation work done and completing more chores/tasks that are (seemingly) unrelated to dissertation work.
Item: creamy polenta with gorgonzola and mushrooms
Item: wine-braised lentils with winter greens and a poached egg
Item: scoured, sanitized countertops
Item: a scrubbed bathroom
Item: a refridgerator emptied of molding contents (ok, ok, i know!)
Item: on-time bill payment (ok, i look really bad/lazy at this point!)
Item: laundry put away within 1 day of washing
I'm cooking again, my apartment is cleaner, I'm even thinking of *gasp* exercising - and none of these things seriously diminishes my work output. In my head I know this. But when I'm not getting work done, I can hardly bring myself to take care of myself in other arenas of life - it feels as though I'm "cheating" on dissertation. Silly silly silly. It has just been suggested that, when I'm not getting work done, that I make myself cook and so push myself (from another direction, as it were) to do dissertation work too.
Item: creamy polenta with gorgonzola and mushrooms
Item: wine-braised lentils with winter greens and a poached egg
Item: scoured, sanitized countertops
Item: a scrubbed bathroom
Item: a refridgerator emptied of molding contents (ok, ok, i know!)
Item: on-time bill payment (ok, i look really bad/lazy at this point!)
Item: laundry put away within 1 day of washing
I'm cooking again, my apartment is cleaner, I'm even thinking of *gasp* exercising - and none of these things seriously diminishes my work output. In my head I know this. But when I'm not getting work done, I can hardly bring myself to take care of myself in other arenas of life - it feels as though I'm "cheating" on dissertation. Silly silly silly. It has just been suggested that, when I'm not getting work done, that I make myself cook and so push myself (from another direction, as it were) to do dissertation work too.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
The year I almost read 'Jane Eyre'
You know you've gone completely, geekily crazy when, having received a challenge from an old (we were 10? 11? ... !!) friend which dares you to "respond in graduate school level essay form only," you actually do so.
New letter:
Dear Tracy,
That was rather cheeky of me, wasn't it, sending you slices of my dissertation proposal and of a paper I've sent out for conferences with a letter squished between paragraphs? As though I'd spent hours and hours on the letter I sent you, when, really, all I did was take some beginnings and a bit from the middle (and that tiny end bit) and smash them together, as though they fit (oddly, they sort of did); as though, when you asked how the heck I'm doing, what you meant was: how is your work going?
I remember singing during recess. Trying to swear so I'd look cool. Trying to write a story as long as yours. Admiring your "wandering aimlessly" and then using it myself. When you and Andy hated each other.
If you write back, I'll try to respond like a normal person. No guarantees. I'm not sure I'm anything like normal.
love,
k
New letter:
Dear Tracy,
That was rather cheeky of me, wasn't it, sending you slices of my dissertation proposal and of a paper I've sent out for conferences with a letter squished between paragraphs? As though I'd spent hours and hours on the letter I sent you, when, really, all I did was take some beginnings and a bit from the middle (and that tiny end bit) and smash them together, as though they fit (oddly, they sort of did); as though, when you asked how the heck I'm doing, what you meant was: how is your work going?
I remember singing during recess. Trying to swear so I'd look cool. Trying to write a story as long as yours. Admiring your "wandering aimlessly" and then using it myself. When you and Andy hated each other.
If you write back, I'll try to respond like a normal person. No guarantees. I'm not sure I'm anything like normal.
love,
k
Thursday, October 1, 2009
My brother is the coolest
From my brother:
Subject: spirits
hey there sport! i am not going to be in an area that has electricity for the next few days (so i won't be able to fbook or email you). so happy early birthday! drink until you bleed!! we'll go ahead and get good and drunk in about 12 days!
what are the names of some of your $50-$80 bottles of single malt? i tried a few with you but dont remember any names. and the names of some high end ones you liked? a guy here has been asking me, and i would perhaps like to purchase a few of those for my triumphant return!
have a splendid birthday! let me know if you do anything fun so i can visualize it...then imagine myself there as well. kind of like i am photoshopping myself into an idea!
-----
photoshopping himself into an idea?? that's awesome! hooray!
Subject: spirits
hey there sport! i am not going to be in an area that has electricity for the next few days (so i won't be able to fbook or email you). so happy early birthday! drink until you bleed!! we'll go ahead and get good and drunk in about 12 days!
what are the names of some of your $50-$80 bottles of single malt? i tried a few with you but dont remember any names. and the names of some high end ones you liked? a guy here has been asking me, and i would perhaps like to purchase a few of those for my triumphant return!
have a splendid birthday! let me know if you do anything fun so i can visualize it...then imagine myself there as well. kind of like i am photoshopping myself into an idea!
-----
photoshopping himself into an idea?? that's awesome! hooray!
Monday, September 28, 2009
Be ye therefore perfect
Dear Alice,
While tumbling down the rabbit hole, at what point did you realize you were falling? Were you always aware of the gravity that pulled you, or did it simply feel as though the ground had moved, er, lower? Having fallen, did you feel fallen?
How did you maintain your poise in Wonderland, and then again through the Looking Glass? What sort of an ethics can obtain when nothing is certain, or even appears to conform to expectations? If to advance, you must retreat, and, in retreating, find you have advanced, can you really plot your movement? Does every backwards-running take you forwards?
How is it that, confronted by non-sense everywhere you went, your answers remained so reasonable? How did you keep yourself from wantonly embracing the non sequitur?
Alice, do you ever feel yourself to be at fault for having succumbed to the pull of the rabbit hole? Perhaps you are simply the kind of person who is susceptible to finding such things, to falling in such ways? Perhaps your broad and active curiosity, your desire for expanded wonder are to be condemned: through them you are disposed to be drawn to ungovernable places. Do you never worry that perhaps you will find difficulties in becoming wife or mother thereby?
Having been to Wonderland and through the Looking Glass, what comes after? Is your life forever different? Can you return to your family and be happy? Can you even be content? Knowing there are other worlds, can you be satisfied with only one?
Alice, in whom can you confide? Alice, where is your home? Alice, whence are you drawn? Alice, whose voice calls you? Alice, does anybody even know your name?
While tumbling down the rabbit hole, at what point did you realize you were falling? Were you always aware of the gravity that pulled you, or did it simply feel as though the ground had moved, er, lower? Having fallen, did you feel fallen?
How did you maintain your poise in Wonderland, and then again through the Looking Glass? What sort of an ethics can obtain when nothing is certain, or even appears to conform to expectations? If to advance, you must retreat, and, in retreating, find you have advanced, can you really plot your movement? Does every backwards-running take you forwards?
How is it that, confronted by non-sense everywhere you went, your answers remained so reasonable? How did you keep yourself from wantonly embracing the non sequitur?
Alice, do you ever feel yourself to be at fault for having succumbed to the pull of the rabbit hole? Perhaps you are simply the kind of person who is susceptible to finding such things, to falling in such ways? Perhaps your broad and active curiosity, your desire for expanded wonder are to be condemned: through them you are disposed to be drawn to ungovernable places. Do you never worry that perhaps you will find difficulties in becoming wife or mother thereby?
Having been to Wonderland and through the Looking Glass, what comes after? Is your life forever different? Can you return to your family and be happy? Can you even be content? Knowing there are other worlds, can you be satisfied with only one?
Alice, in whom can you confide? Alice, where is your home? Alice, whence are you drawn? Alice, whose voice calls you? Alice, does anybody even know your name?
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Break, heart, I prithee break heart and bleed
(conflated texts)
spiraling in an outward -
i think i've been here before;
this all looks too familiar and
i've heard this one too many times
[why is the measure of love loss?]
i think i have been here before
and i think i know you
i've heard this one too many times:
no, it's not you, it's me.
["why is it that the most unoriginal thing we can say to one another is still the thing we long to hear?"]
i think i do know you -
you're the one with the teeth...
no, it's not you, it's me;
no, of course, strangers.
[oh! I love you, well, because! Because you're the very best! Of everything!]
you're the one with the ... teeth?!?
oh! the stories i have to share!
of course, i share them with strangers,
breaking silences, hearts.
[counting your teeth with my tongue, I repeat: you are]
oh, the stories i have to share;
repeating my life for strangers,
breaking promises, hearts,
telling myself again, and again.
[a love story: I love you]
repeating my life for strangers,
this looks all too familiar
telling myself again and again. again
spiraling in an outward -
spiraling in an outward -
i think i've been here before;
this all looks too familiar and
i've heard this one too many times
[why is the measure of love loss?]
i think i have been here before
and i think i know you
i've heard this one too many times:
no, it's not you, it's me.
["why is it that the most unoriginal thing we can say to one another is still the thing we long to hear?"]
i think i do know you -
you're the one with the teeth...
no, it's not you, it's me;
no, of course, strangers.
[oh! I love you, well, because! Because you're the very best! Of everything!]
you're the one with the ... teeth?!?
oh! the stories i have to share!
of course, i share them with strangers,
breaking silences, hearts.
[counting your teeth with my tongue, I repeat: you are]
oh, the stories i have to share;
repeating my life for strangers,
breaking promises, hearts,
telling myself again, and again.
[a love story: I love you]
repeating my life for strangers,
this looks all too familiar
telling myself again and again. again
spiraling in an outward -
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