Monday, February 4, 2008

on becoming myself

subtitle (a): Kierkegaard in the Kitchen.

goal: to take dinner out of the realm of potentiality and, by embracing boundaries and submitting to limitations, to thrust dinner into the realm of actuality.

subtitle (b): Libra Loves Limits!

goal: no longer to quite so lovingly embrace my inability? refusal? fear? of making trivial decisions.

though i would not say i have been deceptive in describing myself as paralyzed by possibility, i will decide that this is no longer an option. if it is true that i have been so paralyzed, then it is a self-willed/self-sanctioned paralysis. so i shall start cooking. often. regularly. real meals. and i'll do the dishes.

i am terribly curious how other people? women? philosophers? philosopher-women? academics in general - anyone - is able to do this. not specifically cook dinner, but this among other things. have i perhaps too few responsibilities and so, in the luxury of my un-moored existence, have no need and thus little desire to so root myself in choosing? it seems that married folk, parents, people with real jobs must make all sorts of decisions all the time, decisions which must be made; if i can't decide on dinner, i *can* always eat bread and yogurt again. not the most delicious or complete, but will certainly keep off starvation.

but do other people simply open their eyes on time, early even, eager to live a beautiful day? eager to love themselves as well as they love others (whom they love consciously, actively, really well)? do they pull themselves out of bed as soon as they are able, excited to do everything? i get done what must be done, but seldom much more. and i could do so much more.

so if anyone ever does read this: how do you do it? how do you fill your life with living and how do you continuously, consciously, carefully live beautifully?

No comments: