Tuesday, February 2, 2010

in my out-loud voice

It has not slipped my observation that anxiety about my life post-dissertation is what fills my shoes with lead. I'm happy here. I have friends. I have a cozy living space. This city is a wonderful one and suits my lifestyle. There are more things for me to do than time or energy with which to do them. When I think of finishing up this degree, any anticipation of accomplishment is immediately accompanied by the dread of leaving - I cannot separate the completion of my degree from the inevitability of leaving Chicago. Thinking about Ph.D-me means thinking about my eventual banishment from city, friends, life.

It appears more pleasant - or perhaps simply less painful - to take forever with this dissertation. How can I be excited about the project that will only bring about my future poverty and loneliness?

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