Tuesday, January 5, 2010

food blog for the lean of larder or meager in motivation

When one has popcorn for dinner and Maria cookies with Nutella for dessert, there are several things that may be the case:

1. One may not have done the required shopping to make either the nutty anchovy pasta or the olive-caper pasta she was going to make

2. One may be too lazy to make the braised lentils with kale she has the ingredients to make

3. One may have prepared to do serious dissertation work only to find that she did not actually save her most recent draft of her proposal to her flash drive and so has lost the will to cook

4. One may have an 800 page biography of Madame Chiang Kai-Shek to finish (…) and review by Sunday and so has determined she hasn’t the time to cook a full meal.

When one has popcorn for dinner, several things must be the case:

1. One must make a sufficiently large portion of popcorn for it to count as dinner. Otherwise the popcorn is still a snack and dinner must still be decided upon and procured

2. One must drink a correspondingly large quantity of juice, water or herbal tea in order to mitigate the effects of salty, fiber-filled popcorn.

3. One must actually have either a lean pantry or accomplished a great deal of work in order to justify the popcorn dinner after the fact.

When one has popcorn for dinner and Maria cookies with Nutella for dessert, several things should be the case:

1. One should season the popcorn with some delectable herb, perhaps rosemary. This increases the ingredient list and strengthens the fiction that one has prepared a meal and not a snack.

2. One should crush the rosemary in one’s hands before pouring it into the pot. It may be the case that crushing the rosemary releases some oil and flavor from the dried herb. It is the case that it makes one’s hands smell of rosemary, further strengthening the fiction that one has indeed prepared dinner.

3. One should attractively swirl the Nutella on the Maria cookie, avoiding the lazy, tapering-off smear at the end for maximal chocolate-hazelnut-crispy cookie satisfaction

4. One should select the number of cookies one will eat and immediately swirl the Nutella attractively atop the selected number of cookies, even going so far as to place them upon a plate so as to avoid eating the whole sleeve, or finishing the jar of Nutella (whichever comes first).

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